These Phrases from My Dad Which Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"I think I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the truth quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You aren't in a good place. You must get assistance. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now better used to discussing the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a larger inability to talk amongst men, who often absorb negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a show of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to request a respite - going on a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "poor actions" when younger to alter how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, changed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."